Letter of Goodbye
by xShadowMaskx
Summary: One-Shot: 'My parents named me Jenna Crane but they don't understand anything. My real name is Sarah Williams.' With that begins her goodbye letter to her family and friends before she leaves this world to join Him. Strange J/S


**Author:** xShadowMaskx**  
Title:** Letter of Goodbye**  
Pairing:** Jareth/Sarah at the bottom  
**Rating: **PG-13 because of death hints**  
Summary:** She always knew she was different, something more. And she always knew her name was Sarah not Jenna. But before she parts from this world and joins her beloved, she writes a letter explaining her reasons**  
Status:** Completed**  
Disclaimer:** I do not own _Labyrinth_ or it's characters**  
Warnings:** English is not my native language – I am learning it only for few years so it's far from perfect. Also, I wrote it in about three hours, so I haven't had time to completely proofread and fix it. If this doesn't scare you off, I hope you continue reading and that you will enjoy it!

* * *

Hello, my dear reader.

My parents named me Jenna Crane but they didn't know anything when they named me so. My real name is Sarah Williams.

I am twenty years old and told each and every one of them I have known that I don't belong to this boring, gray world. As long as I can remember He has been there, in my dreams, that are so much more real and lovable for me than the reality. Actually, twenty years is only the age of this body, not my soul. It is much older, though, I am not sure exactly how much. I even have her—my—memories of my previous existence. Because life is not life if He is not in it but whenever I found Him, something prevented us from staying together... Last time it was my own fault and I know that it hurt him the most but this time; I won't let anything stand between us. I have learned from my mistakes.

I am not sure why I am writing all of this, actually. I am guessing I want to explain everything to my parents—they are not bad people, they just can't understand me and my love for him—and other humans can't either. They all call me insane, you know. Put me in Soul Asylum and all. As if that could stop me! Countless times I have escaped and they have brought me back, given me medicine that dulls my mind, tied my arms behind my back, but I still escaped. Only sometimes I almost gave up. But not because of what they did. Because He didn't help me.

You see, I have only one way to become part of his world now, when I have been born as a mortal yet again. I can't let myself die a natural death; I must call the Grim Reaper before my written time. But I can't do it alone or I will simply die. He must help me. But he is never ready. He thinks too highly of my life here, thinks I should not waste it. But every minute I spend without him is wasted for me. This time I won't give him a chance—either he will help me or I will just die. I know he will be angry but I must do this. I can't stand this... this existing anymore.

I guess I must explain who He is to make it all clearer, no? I think this is the hardest part because even if I see his image every time I close my eyes, if I feel his touch and hear his voice when I am alone, it is hard to put him in words. I am not sure if I want to share him, too. He is my everything, my life and my love. Sometimes I think I love him more than I love myself. He is only mine just like I am only his. I see it in his mismatched eyes, one clear blue like spring and the other dark green, like mysterious woods. I feel it when his strong arms wrap around me and he presses a kiss on the top of my head. I hear it in his voice when he says he loves me and I shouldn't have ruined my Aboveground existence, that I could have been happy both with him and there. I know it's his once betrayed love, my previous foolishness, that doesn't let him see that this time I want to live only with him, not spend time torn between two realms. Or even worse: live only in the human world.

Sometimes I wonder how I could have said those words, and chosen Toby over him. I can't believe how I could think he would do something to my little brother unless I returned Aboveground. It still hurts me to think about it, to remember my suffering after my choice. But maybe, if I tell everything here, you will understand me better.

That night of broken dreams and wishes, I returned home but it was not my home anymore, my heart, even if I didn't know it just yet, had stayed with him and his labyrinth. For years, I refused to see the fact, though, everyone who would read my stories would see the truth clearly. Sometimes, to escape pain I tried to think that he is nothing more than my fantasy. But I never could. Even if he could not come to me because of my own last words, I always felt him somewhere near. I begged him to come back, I threatened him, I ignored him but nothing helped and I started to think he hated me and was punishing me. I was slowly dying without him. I didn't sleep or eat anymore, barely continuing my life and they put me in a hospital for the mentally ill. I didn't even care that I couldn't publish anymore, because everything I wrote was for him. But one stormy night it grew too hard for me and I let the darkness consume me, my soul slipping to the Other Side.

Now I know that it hurt him deeply. For me to die with his name, that I hated and loved at the same time, on my lips and yet leaving him without a chance to help me was almost unbearable suffering to him. Behind the cold, arrogant mask there was pain and a loving heart, broken just too many times. And that heart has always wished for my happiness, even if it was a life without him. But that's not possible, you know?

Slowly, he recovered, hoping that I would come back just one more time. He decided he would make sure next time I returned to the World of the Living, I would have no reason to doubt his feelings for me. I know he waited a long time, so long that he started to doubt that I might return, but then Jenna—this body—was born and he felt me within the small, blue eyed bundle.

In my first dreams, he was my protector and helper, a guide into the big, strange world he rules. Later, he became my dearest friend, even more important than Hoggle, Ludo or Didymus. And then... then I fell in love with him. I didn't tell him of my feeling at first, not sure if I would survive if He didn't answer them (Oh, how could I ever doubted him and his love!) but on my sixteenth birthday, He told me everything of my previous life and I saw what he felt for me. It was one of the most beautiful nights in my life, filled with both happiness and pain.

For two years we lived happily, sure of our feelings. When I turned eighteen, I was finally free to do what I wished, both in this world and his. That day, He let me choose my path and I, of course, chose him and the Underground. He was happy but I also saw worry and doubts in the depth of his mismatched orbs, as if He would know what hardships we will have to overcome to be rejoined.

That very same morning, I started preparing everything for my leave and my parents, noticing my strange actions, questioned me. Feeling so happy, I thought they, if no one else, would understand me, and told them everything about my beloved, previous Sarah, the labyrinth... And I fell asleep in a hospital that night. I will never forgive my big mouth but what's said is said. Now I will finally fix it.

Ah, the clock shows almost midnight. It is time for me to go. The rain is falling in heavy drops behind the window of the hotel I have chosen. It is near the road and that is exactly what I need. I am glad it's raining—when I look out of the window, I can see the lightning above the city, I can hear the thunder booming: he knows my plan and is angry. That means he will help me. I have made it easier for him – it's the night of Samhain, when the veil between worlds is thin, so my travel will be easier and safer. For someone as powerful as him, it won't be hard.

I feel a bit sorry for the driver who will free me from the clutches of life. I would have picked another way to end my life, if only I didn't need a quick and lethal way to part from the Mortal Realm. I guess that is also why I am writing this letter—so no one can send him or her to jail. I am more than willing to do this, I have dreamed of this for so long. I will put this letter in my handbag where police can find all my documents so they can easily recognize me. I don't want to give anyone more trouble than I need to.

Goodbye mother, father. I loved you the best I could and I know you did, too. It just was not enough compared to his love for me. Goodbye, my friends, especially Lisa, who didn't leave me despite my 'illness' and even believed about the labyrinth. Maybe I will show it to you one day. I will miss you all. And, please, don't be sad about my parting. I will be so much happier in the Underground than I could ever be here and I will be with someone I love from the bottom of my heart. I will never forget any of you.

With all my best wishes,  
Sarah Williams  
Defeater of the Labyrinth and Future Queen of Goblins  
Formerly known as Jenna Crane

* * *

**A/N:** Wow, I am not sure if you will believe me when I will say that I had idea for this One-Shot for year or so. At first, it was inspired by a song called "Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum but by now, when I finally found the correct way to write this down (I wasn't planning to make it a letter), the references to the song were so very faint that I didn't name it after it.

If you're wondering why Jenna/Sarah is 'blue eyed bundle' and somewhat Out of Character, all I can say that despite she claims to be Sarah, it's not fully and truly her. The soul has traveled to a new, different looking body and has earned some personality traits from Jenna. Also, I know it seems a bit messy here and there but it's not only because of my poor proof-reading skills. It is how she thinks writing that letter.

I really feel so much better after writing this down and I want to thank you for reading (Unless you skipped to the Author's Note. If so, I hope you will read it C; ) and there is only one more thing to say:

_**Reviews are welcomed and flames accepted!**_

**A/N 2:** this is now proofread, thank you so much, Kathleen! ♥


End file.
